confucius on yoga { no matter where you yoga, there you are. }

artwork credit: toonpool.com { with a small addition by YIFY }

Bet you didn't know that Confucius was a practitioner. He rocked his yoga mat hard. This is precisely why he was so wise. He also hid things in his beard to eat at a later date, but that's beside the point.

I've done some serious digging — as in, excavation style — and I have uncovered a historic gem: Confucius' yoga scrolls. Daily dollops of yogic wisdom from the C-man himself.

Behold! It unfolds...

Confucius on Yoga { translated by Y is for Yogini }:

• She who practices, but does not preach, has excellent trap on piehole. She who preaches, but does not practice, is hypocritical douche.
• Yogi who keep his feet on ground have trouble putting on yoga pants.
• Study as if you were never to master yoga. Because you won't, silly f*cker.
• Wise yogini never take Urdhva Dhanurasana atop car like video ho.
• Thought without practice is fruitless daydreaming. Practice without thought often ends in trip to hospital.
• You cannot open a yoga book without learning some shit you'll never be able to do. And many things you can.
• Dumb yogi climb tree to get apple. Smart yogi take Tree Pose and manifest apple.
• Camel = good pose. Camel Toe = uncomfortable pose.
• It does not matter how slowly you go, so long as you do not drool.
• The superior yogi take Handstand when class in Balasana. Look like poop head.
• Yoga unto others as you would have yogaed unto you.

Drink these in. Let your prana rise. Spread what Confucius say.

Comments

[bonnie]

haha!! this is awesome! great translation wise Lo

[Rick]

Thanks for the pearls of wisdom.

[Maria @downwarddog]

One word - brilliant! :)

[Emmanuelle]

Oh my, that Confucius guy was really ahead of his time, I didn't know "hypocritical douche" and "f*cker* were already in use in his time.
Oh wait, he's the one who came up with these, right?

Learning something every day :)

[liz]

Lo, u done it grrrrl.. Confucious would high five you, wink and then get u ass in a pretzel! hugs!

[SatyaYogi]

LOVE IT!

[Crystal @YogiCrystal]

These are great! I might make the tree pose one my mantra. ;)

[Carrisa]

Ha! I needed that today!! HYSTERICAL!! Lo, you never cease to amaze me!! ;0)

[namaste*heather]

Lo, if I only had a tenth of your wit I'd be SO happy! This is CRAZY beautiful HILARIOUS awesome!

[CailenAscher]

love this post! got a good laugh : )

great blog - glad i found it. i'm your newest gfc follower.

til next time,
cailen

www.cailenascher.blogspot.com

[YogaDawg]

Genius!

[lissabliss]

love it, Lo. these are absolutely fantastic :)

[keishua]

lmao!! you're the best!

[Svasti]

You missed one! I found a tiny scrap of the manuscript (you left if behind while flying over Australia in Hanumanasana) and here's the translation, or as close as I can get it anyway:

Older hot yoginis will be known as yougars! Yeah, baby!

[Bee Bosnak]

Nicely written. Cheers for the giggles.

[Sarah]

"Study as if you were never to master yoga. Because you won't, silly f*cker."

I love it. :) So glad you found and translated these precious scrolls!

[Smriti]

Hahahahahaa!! You just made my day!! :D

[liveloveyoga]

I'm manifesting my apple! Awesome post and awesome comments! Yougar baby!

[Drwh0]

Not for anything, but being of the more Tantric persuasion, I kinda favor the Taoists, Lao Tzu and Chuang Tzu. They are very much opposed to the formalism and hierarchy of the Confucians. Apropos of this month's Yoga Journal, I kept thinking "The sound of water says what I think." (Chuang Tzu). But then again, such teaching is perhaps a "useless tree." http://wp.me/p1liiv-2i

[Birdie]

I can always count on you, chica. I wonder over here and it is such a wonderful pick me up on a dreary day!

[Jean]

Awesome post super funny