6 reasons i don't teach yoga

If there's one question I receive on the regular, it's:

"Do you teach yoga?"

Or some variant thereof. (i.e., Where do you teach? Are you teaching yet? Why aren't you teaching?)

My answer has become pull-string. "Well, I've completed 200 hours of teacher training and have been practicing since age 15, but I never had any intention of teaching. I did YTT for me, for the journey."

That's the short answer. This is the long, FUN, REAL one:

1. "Fuck" makes guest appearances with fervent frequency and most gleeful intonation in my verbal voyages. It is localized color that would not be appreciated in your run-of-the-mill class.
2. I have ZERO patience for the following personalities: show-offs, drama kings and queens, selfish bitches, and self-important cockadoos. Life is too short to expend the massive energy required for douchebag tolerance.
3. I take neat-freakiness and organization to a whole 'notha level. A typical class would include 30 minutes of mat-straightening, mat/student alignment, and studio/hand/foot sanitizing. There would also be a lecture portion covering yoga etiquette.
4. I'd want to have (mis)adventures with students. Laugh. Dance around. Talk shit + smack. Turn 'em out with some sick sequencing. I wouldn't want to: give adjustments, worry they'll hurt themselves, or be expected to listen to tales of woeful injuries and physical ailments. Perhaps this makes me sound like a cold bitch, but you aren't here for snuggles and binkies. You're here for truth.
5. There's no way I could walk around a room for 90 minutes without hip-hop or 70s rock to fuel me...and it is my personal experience that yoga is best served without music. So you can hear your breath. Conundrum.
6. I'm not a touchy-feely broad. Never will be. Please don't make me touch people.

Et tu? If you could teach, but don't, what are your reasons for not doing so? And if you already teach, where do the "fuck"'s go? Do you bottle them up for usage at home? And what about all the annoying people crammed into one room? The feeeeelings? The only logical answer is your patience is akin to that of Mother Teresa. Unlimited. Bless you, teachers.

 

Keepin' it realio on the YTT-lio,

Comments

[Vision_Quest2]

So, now I don't feel so bad that I'd never gotten to be a step aerobics instructor before my feet went bad ...

Step aerobics to me was like yoga is to you guys ... plus I've more the temperament for that; and could cuss if I feel like it ...

No way do I have the hip flexibility to even teach Zumba! (But, thanks to yoga-pilates fusion I am working on it ...)

[babs]

My all time favorite post!! I luuurve it! This prolific cusser has a hard time toning it down in class.

[Charlotte]

Even though I've been known to drop the f-bomb regularly, and could burp half the alphabet in my beer-drinking days, neither of those habits has made an appearance in my classes in the past 26 years. It's not that I want to misrepresent myself; I readily admit my imperfections in class. But not everyone appreciates salty language or stellar belches.

As for dealing with the not-so-pleasant student types, I've had my share of those over the years, but since the yoga boom started, those folks have sought out the trendy classes and have blessedly not shown up to mine. I'm fortunate that grown-ups seem to be attracted to my classes.

[Vision_Quest2]

Hey, *I'm* no grown up.

Just very stiff and very laid back.

Still and all, *I* would be attracted to your class ... I am still an INJURED (beyond any foot problems) advanced beginner after 5 years of regular practice ...

I literally know what "Beginner's Mind" MEANS!

[Pat]

I had never thought of myself as being capable of teaching anything to anyone, but have found that I LOVE teaching yoga; yeah, about those f--ks, well, sometimes they burble up and I swallow 'em back down. Sometimes its only my life-saving sense of humour that keeps it all from being too-much-weirdness-in-my-face. But I feel blessed to be teaching and hope my students feel blessed to be in the room with me, well, most of the time anyway!

[A Facebook User]

I have been asked a few times to be a teacher and the #1 reason is honestly I can't commit to complete the YTT. I hate being told what to do by anyone, and would rather do yoga when my energy is up to it, not because I have to. I'm unyogic a lot of the time but am conscious of it, so it's all yoga right? I say f, a$$, $hit, more often than most and couldn't promise not to let a few slip in my own practice let alone teaching others. Also, I believe we are all already teachers, whether we know it or not. Being in class letting our neighbors watch something they don't know how to do(don't touch me and we're cool) then taking that peaceful feeling home with us. So, we're all teaching yoga, one way or another. Who else can say fuck with flavor while in a shoulder stand but us=)

[LaGitane]

Haha! This is hilarious! I love teaching. I don't swear. But I do laugh, dance around a bit, fall over, say crazy things (like, "extend your left head towards the floor - ha!!!! you figure out what to do with the right one!!), get my left and right mixed up, tell people to smile, and have them stick their tongues out. And when adjusting all those sweaty yogis, I just use a towel. :)

[Rajni]

LOL that picture is fraking hilarious! Great post Boo!

[Smriti]

Sooooo, do you teach yoga? :D

[sarajane]

Well the irony is that there are a whole group of people that would love your style and approach to teaching yoga. So for the exact reasons you don't want to teach, you could throw that in the list why you should teach yoga!

[Nikki @liveloveyoga]

When I started teaching, I had to force myself to keep all the fucks and force myself to be all zen like and shit... then I discovered that "hey! i'm the fucking teacher, I will teach the class however I fucking want. I will play any kind of music my ears want to hear and if you don't like it, then you can fucking leave." I love to teach!! :)

[Britta]

I'm so glad I stumbled across this because I get told all the time: 'you should teach. why don't you teach?' I actually gave it a try but disliked it very much. It took the joy out of my own personal practice. So F**k that.
Also, I'm too unsympathetic and impatient with complete beginners...or people who have aches and pains because basically they are lazy couch-potatoes and now the doctor has sent them to yoga...
Not everyone who lives yoga is meant to be a teacher.