yoga humor, yogini style, yoga personality, yoga tips - Y is for Yogini

5 reasons you should be more than happy to pay for yoga class

photo credit: thevestibulearea.wordpress.com

I'm not a teacher, but I sure as hell believe that we must serve as the guardians of those who take care of us. Those who give with love, grace, freedom, and without expectation. The 90 minutes teachers spend serving as a spirit-elevating container for a room full of the distraught, the depressed, the repressed, and the emotionally weighed-down; this is priceless.

The take-away here is simple: 

Asana up, ante up. Show yoga the money. Put your Jacksons where your practice is.

1. Teachers are human. This means they eat, put gas in their cars, pay rent/mortgages, and work. Shocking! When you give to a yoga teacher, you aren't financing their collection of Benzes and Lambos. You're contributing to basic needs. None of us can serve with our foundational human needs unmet.
2. They aren't in this for the $$$$. Because that would be daft. Like going to Power Yoga and expecting teddy bears, kisses, and campfire kumbaya. It just doesn't make sense cents.
3. They are in this to serve a higher calling. Except for Bikram. I'm pretty sure he's around just to ride people like donkeys and demand bootlicking. Perhaps he has some sort of latent cowboy fantasy. But I digress...
4. Exchange of energy. Teaching is energy, money is energy. "Even" trades have long been the foundation of our economy. Where you receive, you should also give.
5. Yoga, in many cases, is > or = to Therapy. When you think about it, you are getting an amazing deal. So don't be stingy. Be grateful.

 In Piggy Bank-sharing pose,

confucius on yoga { no matter where you yoga, there you are. }

artwork credit: toonpool.com { with a small addition by YIFY }

Bet you didn't know that Confucius was a practitioner. He rocked his yoga mat hard. This is precisely why he was so wise. He also hid things in his beard to eat at a later date, but that's beside the point.

I've done some serious digging — as in, excavation style — and I have uncovered a historic gem: Confucius' yoga scrolls. Daily dollops of yogic wisdom from the C-man himself.

Behold! It unfolds...

Confucius on Yoga { translated by Y is for Yogini }:

• She who practices, but does not preach, has excellent trap on piehole. She who preaches, but does not practice, is hypocritical douche.
• Yogi who keep his feet on ground have trouble putting on yoga pants.
• Study as if you were never to master yoga. Because you won't, silly f*cker.
• Wise yogini never take Urdhva Dhanurasana atop car like video ho.
• Thought without practice is fruitless daydreaming. Practice without thought often ends in trip to hospital.
• You cannot open a yoga book without learning some shit you'll never be able to do. And many things you can.
• Dumb yogi climb tree to get apple. Smart yogi take Tree Pose and manifest apple.
• Camel = good pose. Camel Toe = uncomfortable pose.
• It does not matter how slowly you go, so long as you do not drool.
• The superior yogi take Handstand when class in Balasana. Look like poop head.
• Yoga unto others as you would have yogaed unto you.

Drink these in. Let your prana rise. Spread what Confucius say.

down with the yogalomaniac {yanking the EGO out of YOGA}

You heard me. Fie on the megalomaniacs, those yoga "teachers" self-dousing and drowning in ego, with delusions of grandeur and omnipotence; the ones I am officially coining yogalomaniacs.

I've read a few disturbing articles as of late, namely:

• Bow Down to the Yoga Teacher - Newsweek
• The Overheated, Oversexed Cult of Bikram Choudhury - Details 

I have scads of experience with ego. As a practitioner and eternal student, I am challenged by my own each and every day, on and off the mat. It is quiet, personal; there is determination present. However, this movement of certain teachers toward achieving and believing their own "celebrity" status is repugnant.

The whole of this makes me want to bust a few yogic caps in the collective asana. So here I am, stocked up to the sirsa with ammo, guns blazing.

Yanking the Ego out of Yoga:

1. Guru means teacher. It does not mean holier than thou, more vast than the universe, and deeper than the black hole. To think being a teacher makes you untouchable and godlike really just confirms that you're an ass...hole.


2. If you were truly tapped in and pranically plentiful, there would be no need for pomp, circumstance, and a dramatic class entrance. You'd understand that you are the container to hold your students, to uplift + elevate, and your brilliant energy would naturally be everywhere.


3. If you're telling me, directly or indirectly, that the most important thing about yoga is that it induces weight loss, perhaps we should work together on increasing your brain mass. And filling your shallow persona pool.


4. Some of you have transparent dreams of being superawesomelyfamous actors and actresses. That's fine, but don't make teaching yoga your route thereto. That's blasphemy of the worst kind — like pissing in the mouths of those dying of thirst.


5. I didn't come to class to hear you belt out an aria which sounds more Chicago than chant. Take off your headset, ditch the bling, shut your mouth, open your ears and heart, and let's do this. Elvis has left the building yoga studio.


6. To the spiritually bereft masquerading as peeps bringing love and spirit power to the yoga people, you will likely be called on your shit. Loudly, passionately, and intelligently. I am honored to know some seriously badass yogis and yoginis who possess wonderfully strong voices. Some people cannot and will not be fooled.


7. F*cking your students is like f*cking yourself. And nobody wants that. Stop being a f*cker.

Let us bring an end to the strokefest by not providing ego lubrication.

Mad love to all the teachers doin' the damn thing with grace, humility, surrender, and the spirit of offering.

Happy Birthday to Yogi Bhajan

artwork credit: 3ho.org

Today is auspicious indeed. It is Yogi Bhajan's day of birth. Although he is no longer with us in bodily form, his spirit is everywhere.

A few beautiful things you should know about this incredible being:

1. He mastered Kundalini Yoga at age 16 and brought the practice to the U.S. in the late 60s. Wahe Guru!
2. He believed that Kundalini should be open to all people and not kept hidden from most, as it was for many, many years. He was the first person in history to teach Kundalini Yoga openly to the public.
3. Yogi Bhajan was committed to promoting the equality of women. Read his book, I am a Woman: Creative, Sacred, & Invincible.
4. He credited all of his achievements to Spirit, often known to say that he was, "just the mailman delivering the message."
5. Yogi Bhajan, in company with Dr. Martin Luther King Jr., Mother Teresa, and Pope John Paul II, was honored by the U.S. Congress, who passed a bipartisan resolution honoring his life and work.

A handful of my favorite Yogi Bhajan Quotes:

"Feel Good, Be Good, and Do Good."

"Make yourself so happy that when others look at you, they become happy, too."

"What is the purpose of life? To elevate all, big or small."

"The attitude of gratitude is the highest yoga."

"Consult your spirit, your soul, on everything."

"We meditate so that our minds can be sharp and alert. We chant mantras so that our souls may be ignited like candles. We walk in the light of this beauty."

"The fact is that there is nothing more beautiful, more worthy, or more conscious than you."

Happy Birthday, Yogi Bhajan. We are infinitely blessed with all that you've created and shared.

 

sara ivanhoe's yin + yang class { go pleeeegggghhhh }

artwork credit: strangetowngurl @ photobucket

Cost of a parking ticket (damn you City of Santa Monica!) to take Sara Ivanhoe's class at YogaWorks: $61

Benefit of being able to take classes from one of LA's finest yoga teachers: Priceless

I've heard her name a million times, but what made me take my first Sara Ivanhoe class was her Birkin Yoga article at The Huffington Post. I love that she tells it like it is and doesn't pull punches. My kind of girl.

If you haven't read it, do. Among other things, she mentions a yogini who would regularly make "dramatic exits" from class, Birkin bag swaying, yogini ass sashaying (ok, that's the part where I embellish). Wouldn't you know it, I couldn't find parking and was 5 minutes late to class. Eek! I was thinking, "Oh, hells, she's going to think I'm another one of these self-entitled a-holes."

But she didn't. In fact, when I came in late, she welcomed me AND helped make space for me in the crowded classroom. I think I fell in yogini love with her right at that moment. :) (Note to boyfriend: If you're reading this now, I don't mean it in that way. No need to go pea green!)

Aside from being a stellar class in many ways, she said a number of things that resonated with me, making the class that much more of an experience:

1. "soften your edges" - she encouraged us to radiate out through the pose, but also to melt into it and enjoy
2. "there's nothing more interesting than what is going on with your body and breath right now"
3. "instead of controlling, trust yourself to just go pleeeegggghhhh" - i need to work on this; less striving-for-perfection, more "pleeeegggghhhh", more yin!

Sara also played a not-oft-heard old favorite of mine, Turn Your Lights Down Low (Lauryn Hill + Bob Marley).

Loved it. And will be back for more.